One of our most important messages at Doggone Safe is that dogs dont like hugs and kisses. This is very controversial among dog owners and has caused many challenges for our Be a Tree presenters. Many people simply do not believe this and are sure that their dog loves to be hugged.
We got a comment on one of our previous posts from a reader who said that it is sad that kids cant hug their dogs and that her own dogs do like hugs and actually solicit this type of attention. This is a very good comment and many people have said this same thing to us over the years. We agree that there are dogs who do enjoy certain types of attention and will solicit this at times. The main thing to note in these cases is that the dog is asking for this on its own terms. Even these types of dogs will not enjoy a hug if they are busy watching a squirrel or chewing on a favorite toy. They are also unlikely to enjoy hugs the way kids do it (that is wrap their arms around the dogs neck and hang on). Adults tend to scratch the dog on the chest or engage in other petting the dog enjoys, while they are hugging. Thus the dog becomes conditioned to enjoy certain specific types of hugging from specific people.
You can tell if you dog likes hugs by watching for body language signs. Does he yawn, lick his lips or show a half moon of white in his eye while you are hugging or when you approach to hug? Does he start trying to lick your face while you are hugging him? Does he shake the hug off (wet dog shake) when you release him? All of these are signs that the dog does not enjoy the hug.
It is confusing for children to learn that they can hug this dog but not that one, can hug this way, but not that way, can hug in this situation but not that one. It is simpler to teach them to avoid hugging any dog. It may seem sad to tell a child that they should not hug a dog to show how much they love him. It is much sadder when a beloved dog bites a child in the face leaving lasting emotional and physical scars and costing the dog his family or even his life. There are many, many parents in our dog bite victim support group who have said "I wish I had known that dogs dont like hugs", after their child hugged or kissed a nice family dog. The most common scenario is a child at a family function who hugs the grandparents, relatives or neighbors dog. The dog is stressed because of all the commotion and people and noise and is less tolerant than usual. In most cases the dog has never bitten before.
It is also sad to think that a child is trying to show love, while the recipient of the "love" is just hoping it will stop. Luckily most dogs are tolerant and do not bite, but why should they have to tolerate something they dont enjoy? Please read about the Curse of the Good Dog for more about this. The vast majority of dog owners believe that their dogs like hugs, while the vast majority of dogs do not like hugs. There is a disconnect here that leads to many dogs being unhappy and to many facial bites to children.
Here is a video that shows a lovely, tolerant dog who is not enjoying the hug from a child. This is a great example of a nice dog who is tolerating something he doesnt like. If you search on YouTube for videos of kids or babies hugging dogs you will see numerous examples of dogs yawning, licking their chops, licking the children, showing a half moon of white in their eyes, turning their heads away or getting up and leaving. You will rarely if ever find one of a dog that is enjoying the hug.
Dog behavior experts agree that it is best to teach children other ways to show love to dogs. Well known behavior expert Dr Patricia McConnell in her wonderful book For the Love of a Dog says that she has at least 50 photos of kids hugging dogs and in not one of them is the dog happy about it. There are lots of safe ways for kids to show love to a dog. Read about these in our article: How to Love Your Dog.
"On Sunday I sat outside in the sun, stroking Elkes so-soft ears, while my husband patted her long, sleek back, and we farewelled our first girl. We learned on Friday that her liver and spleen were full of cancer. We are so grateful to have shared 12.5yrs with her and will miss her dearly." is what my Facebook status update said. But lets start at the beginning...
Little Elke-Moo and her cow hips, at RSPCA
I met Elke (pronounced Ell-kee) when I was in my third week of employment in the RSPCA shelter. What a sucker I was! She was seized as part of a cruelty case from a property where an elderly man with dementia had over forty dogs. Because of the dementia, the dogs weren’t receiving proper care and he sometimes fed them chicken pellets. Of her litter, Elke was the only survivor. She looked like a 5 week old puppy but she was actually 12 weeks old.
She was always small. Our ‘bonsai pointer’, we called her. We joked that she was little, but could lay a good egg. My boyfriend at the time and I had been speaking about getting a dog, and pointers had come up as a breed we were interested in – he wanted a dog to run with him. After three weeks of rehabilitation at RSPCA, she came home with me. I was 23 years old. Since then, she has been a fixture in the landscape of our lives - through house moves, our engagement and marriage, the death of my father, the arrival of our daughter, the comings and goings of oh-so-many other dogs (occupational hazard!).
Elke and my daughter - a fantastic introduction to dogs
Elke was energetic, excitable and hilarious. She wasnt perfect, but neither were we. We were a perfect match. She realised, as a young dog, that she could redirect attention to herself if visitors were over, by trawling our dirty clothes basket for recent underwear and then parading it through the lounge room for everyone to see.
Post-beach snooze with our other dog, Caleb
She didn’t like thunderstorms or fireworks. She loved running off lead at the park, the beach or through the bush and she adored retrieving. She would regularly throw herself into water without stopping to check for a way out. One time I had to walk along a river back for about 500m while she swam and we looked for a place where she could scramble up the riverbank to get out again! We took Elke to obedience training and she taught us so much. Elke was also more than our pet. She helped as a friendly adult dog at puppy preschool classes, she posed as a jaunty model as Australia legislated for the end of tail docking, she tried to distract trainee guide dogs and she visited nursing homes as a certified visiting therapy dog. They were all things we did together, my spotty dog and I.
Elke loved playing swim-retrieve in the water
She and our other dog Caleb were very close. They had a silly play ritual they indulged in every day. Twice a day. A close-quarters mouthing and growling game that ended in howling calamity. It was sometimes annoying (working from home, it wasn’t always compatible with work-related phone calls!), but always made me smile. But now our house is very quiet.
We all loved time at the beach
We didn’t know Elke was sick until a week before she was euthanased. We took her to the vet, her temperature was up, a blood sample was taken, antibiotics were commenced. We didn’t know just how sick she was until two days before. What we did know, was that she was getting older, slowing down, not hearing the thunderstorms any more – and we knew she wouldn’t live forever. But that day always seems - in the future.
Instant couch-rights
When the vet rang me on Friday (the 13th) to advise that the ultrasound showed Elke’s liver and spleen were full of cancer, I was interstate at a conference aiming to eliminate the euthanasia of healthy and treatable pets in Australia. I was told that there were no options. Elke was comfortable, but at risk of bleeding internally and needed to be kept quiet with minimal activity. Euthanasia was not required immediately, but certainly the recommended course of action to avoid a slow and painful death by haemorrhage. I made the appointment for the day after I was due home and cried in my hotel room until there were no tissues left.
Sunday morning was a beautiful morning in Melbourne. The sun was out. I sat with Elke and my just-turned-3-year-old daughter in our garden. We talked about Elke being sick and that she was going to die. She asked hard questions. I did my best to answer them. We weren’t able to play retrieve, but passed Elke little sticks and she crunched them in her teeth. I took some last photos of the two of them – my girls – who have enjoyed a calm and positive relationship. Then Pete and I took Elke to the vet. She was given a mild sedative and we walked outside into the vet clinic’s garden (she never really liked veterinary consult’ rooms). We placed her bed on the grass in the sun, while she walked and sniffed. As the sedation took effect, I helped her settle onto her bed and she relaxed, dozing in the sun. Pete gently stroked her back. I had her relaxed head cushioned in my lap, savouring the sensation of her silky soft ears against my fingertips, one last time. She didn’t even notice the needle that entered the vein in her leg with the overdose of anaesthetic. It really was the perfect euthanasia.
Elke was doing selfies pre-Facebook - circa 2003
Now Elke is gone, and we’re adjusting to this changed landscape of our lives.
Despite all the dogs that have lived in our home, for days or for years, Elke is the first dog that we have owned from puppyhood through to old age. In some ways, this is helping me cope with her death. With other dogs I think I’ve felt an element of anger that we had met too late for them to live their best life, or been robbed of time together through unexpected illness taking them too soon. But today, I’m trying to take comfort in the fact that Elke lived a fabulous and full life with us; her passing was as peaceful and stress free as any of us could hope for. I’m so grateful that our daughter had Elke to share her infancy with.
It still hurts. In ways that bubble up unexpectedly. And I know that’s OK. Grief is messy. It’s individual and it takes as long as it takes. Time plays a critical role and will not be rushed.
Spooning in 2003.
Still besties in 2013.
Research over the past 25 years has shown us that grieving for a pet follows the same reactions and involves the same emotional responses as dealing with a human loss. People who have lost a pet commonly experience intense feelings such as sadness, anger, anxiety, disbelief, depression, panic, relief or even numbness. The act of consenting to euthanasia has been found to be particularly disturbing for some owners, who feel they have betrayed a trust by choosing death over life. Of course, grief responses to death of companion animals is linked to the strength of attachment we have with them, but we should not trivialise, nor brush aside our response to the death of our pets.
Animals are important to us and the grief we experience when they die is real. We should be gentle to ourselves.
Acknowledging this and permitting ourselves to react (however we need to) is important. Letting our support networks (friends, family, colleagues) know how we feel and letting them help us in return is also important. If time isn’t helping, or you lack a support network, seek further help, from your doctor or a professional counsellor. The Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement has helpful information about grief here. The number of friends who have sent me kind messages, called to see how were doing this week or even driven over just to give me a hug has shown me that a) Elke was a dog whose reach was long, and that b) I have amazing friends and family!
And so, my friend, I’m off to give Caleb a big hug. Because amongst all the other sad (for Elke, for my daughter, for me) I’m sad that he may never get to do this again:
Mia
Do You Believe in Dog? will place further helpful resources about dealing with the grief associated with pet loss online soon.
My submitted proof that the sun did shine out of...
Further reading: Weisman A.D. (1990). Bereavement and Companion Animals, OMEGA--Journal of Death and Dying, 22 (4) 241-248. DOI: 10.2190/C54Y-UGMH-QGR4-CWTL Archer J. & Winchester G. (1994). Bereavement following death of a pet, British Journal of Psychology, 85 (2) 259-271. DOI: 10.1111/j.2044-8295.1994.tb02522.x Podrazik D., Shackford S., Becker L. & Heckert T. (2000). The Death of a Pet: Implications for Loss and Bereavement Across the Lifespan, Journal of Personal and Interpersonal Loss, 5 (4) 361-395. DOI: 10.1080/10811440008407852 Smith A. (2012). Pet Loss and Human Emotion: Whats New?, Death Studies, 36 (3) 292-297. DOI: 10.1080/07481187.2011.590443 Field N., Orsini L., Gavish R. & Packman W. (2009). Role of Attachment in Response to Pet Loss, Death Studies, 33 (4) 334-355. DOI: 10.1080/07481180802705783 Read more
Join us for another guest post, this time from Claudia Fugazza of the Family Dog Project in Budapest. Claudias here to discuss her recent publication in Applied Animal Behaviour Science on the efficiency of new methods in dog training.
Hi Mia and Julie,
Formal training methods used until now rely mainly on the well-known rules of individual associative learning. These methods work perfectly well for a very wide range of animals — pigeons, rats, dogs and even crabs — and human and non-human animals can learn by ‘click and treat,’ as noted in the popular training book by Karen Pryor.
However, recent research has found substantial evidence that dogs could be predisposed to acquire information socially via the ‘Do as I do’ method. Do as I Do is a relatively new training method for people to use, based on dogs’ social cognitive skills, particularly on their imitative ability.
With this training technique, dogs learn new behaviors by observing and copying their handler. The dog is a copycat. This method relies on social learning, and it was recently introduced in the applied field of dog training.
As this method has started spreading in the dog training world, we felt that its efficiency and efficacy needed scientific testing. We were also wanting to know whether this method would be more or less efficient than other current training methods in training for particular behaviors.
We expected that dogs would more easily copy object-related actions from a human demonstrator so we tested dogs’ efficiency in this kind of tasks. To do this, I travelled across Italy and the UK with my video-cameras as well as a heavy Ikea cabinet filled with objects (you can imagine the weird looks I got from security personal at checkpoints!). I used these objects to test dogs learning to open or close drawers and lockers, pick up items from it etc. Since training methods can be affected by the skills of the trainer, only experienced dog-owners pairs who achieved a certificate either for the ‘Do as I do’ method or for shaping / clicker training were included in the study. Each pair was tested using ‘his’ method for teaching three different object-related actions in three testing sessions.
We expected that the ‘Do as I do’ method would prove more efficient for teaching complex tasks, compared to the shaping method that relies on individual learning. This expectation comes from what we know in humans: we tend to rely more on social learning when required to learn something difficult.
Our research found that the ‘Do as I do’ method proved more efficient for teaching dogs complex tasks, like close a drawer, open a locker and pick up an item that was inside (i.e., the time needed by the owner to obtain the first correct performance of the predetermined action was shorter with the ‘Do as I do’ method compared to shaping). We did not find a significant difference in the efficiency of the methods for teaching dogs simple tasks like knocking over a bottle or ringing a bell.
Now that we know a bit more on how to efficiently teach complex object-related actions, we are curious to know what happens when we want to teach different kind of complex actions, like body movements. We also want to know whether introducing social learning in dog training could have an effect on learning cues for trained action.
We are aware that learning rates can be influenced by many factors, and we acknowledge that this study is just a very first step towards a more scientific approach to training paradigms. However we believe that this kind of information can be very important for the practitioners working in the applied field of dog training. We hope that the readers will not misinterpret the results and will not extend them to different actions and situations that were not tested.
Furthermore we would like to emphasize that, despite being efficient for training some kinds of actions, the ‘Do as I do’ method does not replace the methods based on individual learning (for example think of how many actions are not imitable at all if the demonstrator is a human and the learner is a dog!). Instead ‘Do as I do’ is a useful (and fun!) addition to existing training paradigms. Experienced dog trainers may find effective ways to mix the different training techniques in order to obtain the best results with each dog.
Claudia Fugazza Do as I Do Book and DVD http://www.apprendimentosociale.it/en/claudia-fugazza/ Family Dog Project Reference Fugazza C. & Miklósi Á. (2014). Should old dog trainers learn new tricks? The efficiency of the Do as I do method and shaping/clicker training method to train dogs, Applied Animal Behaviour Science, 153 53-61. DOI: 10.1016/j.applanim.2014.01.009
Think that your dog likes hugs and kisses? Well if he is like most dogs, then he does not enjoy this type of human affection. Children want to show love to dogs by giving hugs and kisses, because this how they show affection to people they love. Hugs are not a natural form of canine interaction to show affection. To show your dog that you love him, learn to give him the things that he really does like and teach your kids to do the same.
Most dog bites are to children, by the family dog or another dog known to the child. Hugs and kisses are a major cause of facial bites to children. Doggone Safe offers suggestions for safe ways to love your dog that the dog will appreciate.
Children (and adults too) often want to show love to dogs the way we show love to each other, through hugs and kisses. Dogs do not naturally understand this, or even enjoy it. Hugs and face-to-face contact can be very threatening to dogs. The dog may tolerate this for a while, but at some point may bite or snap to protect himself once he has exhausted all his means of more subtle warning. Some dogs do enjoy a hug from a special person, if it is on their terms and done with some extra scratching on the chest. Few, if any dogs enjoy hugs the way young children do this, which is to clasp around the neck and hang on. Parents, teach your children to avoid face-to-face contact with any dog (even their own dog) and to show love to the dog in ways other than hugging and kissing.
Doggone Safe offers the following suggestions for Valentine’s Day about how to love your dog in a way that the dog will appreciate.
Touch Your Dog
Invite your dog to come to you for attention. If your dog turns away or moves away, respect his wishes and leave him alone. Many dogs like to be near you, but not necessarily to be touched.
Scratch your dog on the side of the neck or on his chest.
Avoid hugs and kisses. People enjoy this, but most dogs don’t like hugs and kisses. They might tolerate it, but few actually enjoy it.
Invite your dog to sit with you while your read or watch TV. Let him lean on you or put his head on your lap on his terms.
Some dogs enjoy a scratch behind the ears. Most dogs don’t enjoy hands coming down on the top of their heads.
Pet your dog and then stop. If he tries to get you continue then you will know he likes it.
Play With Your Dog
Play games like fetch and hide and seek that do not involve chasing or rough play.
Take your dog for lots of walks.
Understand Your Dog
Learn to read dog body language so that you can understand what your dog is trying to tell you.
A happy dog pants and wags his tail loosely. He may wag all over.
An anxious dog might show a half moon of white in his eye or he may lick his lips or yawn. He may turn his head away or walk away. He wants to be left alone.
A dog that suddenly goes stiff and still is very dangerous and might be ready to bite.
A dog with his mouth closed and ears forward and/or with his tail held high is busy thinking about something and does not want to be bothered.
Reward Your Dog
Look for things your dog does right and give him a treat or praise, petting or play. Never hit or yell at your dog.
Give your dog a stuffed Kong or Chewber or other long lasting chew treat to enjoy while he lies on a mat or in a crate.
Visit our site to download this information as a handout
Read a previous blog post for more about why dogs dont like hugs and kisses
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Now that we know a bit more on how to efficiently teach complex object-related actions, we are curious to know what happens when we want to teach different kind of complex actions, like body movements. We also want to know whether introducing social learning in dog training could have an effect on learning cues for trained action. 
